When someone treats you unfairly, it hurts to the core. In fact, some wounds hurt so deep that they make life feel unbearable. The absent dad who denied you of that special father-son bond. The 10th-grade classmate who bullied you constantly and made you lose your self-esteem. The high school sweetheart who cheated on you with your best friend.
When you experience such betrayal, it’s easy to hold onto the hurt and never let go. What many don’t realize is that holding grudges causes significant damage to your mental health.
Sure, forgiving someone who hurts you isn’t easy. But, it’s necessary if you want to protect your emotional well-being. In this post, I’ll explore the meaning of forgiveness and highlight the mental health perks that stem from this.
What Is the True Meaning of Forgiveness?
One of the main reasons why people fail to forgive is because they don’t really know what it means.
So, what is forgiveness? It’s the willingness to let go of the resentment towards someone who’s hurt you. Put simply, it’s surrendering the right to hurt someone back for aggrieving you. Forgiveness also means being willing to extend mercy to the perpetrator even when they don’t apologize or aren’t deserving of it. “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” (Colossians 3:13)
In the spirit of understanding what forgiveness is, it’s also important to clarify what it’s not. Forgiveness doesn’t imply that you have to forget the wrongful things that were done to you. It also doesn’t mean that you make up excuses for the perpetrator or assume that you were never wronged. Rather, it’s choosing to let go of the bitterness and anger that stemmed from the heartache.
Benefits of Forgiveness on Mental Health
Reduces Stress
Constantly reflecting about the harm inflicted upon you only heightens your stress level and makes it harder to heal from your wounds. But when you choose to forgive, you end up feeling more peaceful and relaxed.
Researchers set out to examine the link between forgiveness, stress levels and mental health. The study, which was published in the National Library of Medicine, showed forgiveness as a strong indicator of good mental health. The study suggests that forgiving led individuals to have a lower perception of stress; thus, improving their mental well-being.
Prevents Chronic Anger
Another way in which forgiving improves your mental health is by preventing chronic anger. It’s totally normal to be upset by issues every once in a while. However, if you’re holding onto anger because you were wronged at one point or another, this will begin to affect your mental wellness.
When you forgive, you’re able to let go of the anger. This, in turn, makes you less irritable and more calm. You won’t feel as agitated or upset as when you’re holding a grudge.
Steps to Forgiveness
Now that you understand the meaning and benefits of forgiveness, what’s the best way to approach this? Here are 4 steps to genuine forgiveness:
- Accept the pain – if you’ve been hurt, it’s okay to cry or feel angry. Don’t try to lock up those emotions or numb yourself. Instead, allow yourself to feel that pain.
- Reflect on the situation – you can write it down in your journal or share with a close friend. What’s important is admitting that you were wronged.
- Put yourself in the other person’s shoes – consider a time when you wronged someone and had to seek forgiveness. How did you feel then? This will make it easier to extend the same forgiveness to the individual who’s hurt you.
- Let go of the resentment – forgiving is all about letting go of the anger and irritation you feel towards the perpetrator. Avoid replaying the ordeal in your mind as doing so only worsens the pain.
It’s much easier to hold a grudge against someone than it is to forgive. However, this isn’t right and it only affects your mental well-being. Instead, let go of any resentment even if the perpetrator isn’t deserving of your forgiveness. You’ll be surprised at how much more peaceful and happy you’ll feel.
